THE MORE SECURE AND CONFIDENT YOU ARE,
THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE HAPPIER WITH YOURSELF AND
THE MORE YOU CAN CONNECT WITH OTHERS
We know that love is, in actuality, the pinnacle of evolution, the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species. Love drives us to bond emotionally with a precious few others who offer us safe haven from the storms of life. (Dr. Sue Johnson)
In spite of loving each other, many couples for whatever reasons, are caught in unhealthy communication behaviour patterns. You may feel stuck with the same old arguments. Or perhaps you avoid certain difficult topics because you are afraid of starting a fight.
These unhealthy patterns make you feel distant, disconnected, even being shut out, misunderstood, unwanted, unloved, unappreciated, unaccepted and dissatisfied in your marriage and couple relationship.
A healthy relationship should allow
the expression of differences and needs. It is like a dance. Only when the floor and footings are secure, that you are carefree to connect and dance through the highs and lows of life, through a lifetime.
Couple/Marriage Counselling may help you and your partner break out of the old cycle of negative pattern in communication and find back your connection that you are able to respond tenderly to each other.
When you discover that you are not “the only one” to your partner, you may experience your world collapsing. Although the common characteristics are high distress with strong emotional feelings such as anger, rage, hurt, sadness, helplessness etc but not everyone responds the same way. Deep inside, you may feel betrayed, abandoned and that a breach of trust has occurred in the relationship. You may also have real doubts about your partner and may ask questions like: “How can I ever trust you again?", "Can I ever count on you in the future?", "Do I still matter to you?”.
An Attachment Injury is defined as a violation of trust resulting from a betrayal or from abandonment at a moment of intense need or vulnerability. It is a wound that violates the basic assumption of attachment relationships. Infidelity Counselling provides healing to the attachment injuries.
If you were the offending partner, it doesn’t mean you are having a good time when you see the pain of your spouse. It hurts you as well. While dealing with your own guilt and shame, you may feel helpless.
Infidelity certainly crushes marriages and relationships. Yet it is not a death sentence. I have counselled many couples who have recovered, been healed, and now have a better relationship than before with the same partner.
Of course, the process of recovery is never easy. After the trust has been broken, the recovery you need is more than just determination, willingness, commitment, and patience. But more importantly, you need a professional couple therapist who is trained and experienced in providing Infidelity counselling and is able to provide you with the safety, support, neutrality and someone who is non-judgemental.
Winny has been practicing counselling since 2007. She has worked extensively with distressed couples and families, especially in the area of infidelity/extramarital affair and highly conflicted couple relationships as well as parenting/family relationship problems.
Her main therapeutic approach is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based approach with the attachment-based theory that helps couples to create a positive shift in partners' interactional positions and patterns as well as a safe and secure bond.
Winny is a Certified EFT Supervisor and Therapist with the International Centre for Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT). She is also teaching couple counselling module at a local university.
She adopts a therapeutic stance that emphasizes acceptance, empathy, genuineness, respect, and non-judgemental.
Over the years, Winny has received numerous positive feedbacks, especially for the effectiveness of her therapy services and heard success stories from her clients. She has helped many clients find hope, reconnection, and reconciliation. Meanwhile, She has always found great fulfilment in journeying with individuals, couples, and families.
My wife and I have been seeing each other for about 10 years and we decided to tie the knot 5 years ago. Unfortunately, I got into an extramarital affair with an office colleague and started to stray from my marriage, until my wife eventually found out about it.
Hoping to salvage the marriage, we approached Winny for marriage counselling and have since attended over 10 sessions with her. Winny was patient and understanding to hearing both sides of our story and took an unbiased stance towards breaking down the problems in our relationship. Through the coaching and assignments, we were able to understand our other half better and identified the root cause to the problem in our relationship – that is we are a conflict avoidant couple and that resulted in a build-up frustration over the years. Towards the end of the counselling, Winny gave some valuable advice on how to rebuild the trust in our relationship.
Thanks to Winny, my wife and I are now more vocal and could engage with each other on a much more intimate level. We also learned that marriage is fragile and never to take each other for granted. We will not hesitate to recommend Winny to any other couple in need of help! (TJ and SC)
We began on this Marriage Counselling journey with a heavy heart, unable to even expect anything out of it. We were both extremely unstable in our emotions and expressions. The initial sessions were so tough that Winny had to manage us individually back then. We certainly gave her a hard time.
Winny, the way you counselled individually led me to open up. I did not feel any judgement nor detect condemnation from you. You also led me to uncover and express deep emotions that was unknown for years. I could even go deep in reflection from the questions you posted to me in every session. It was the reflections that helped me realized what exactly went wrong between my spouse and I! We had not communicated truly for the longest time. From your counselling, we dealt deeply with our emotions such that we could communicate heart to heart finally. This was evident from our last few couple therapy sessions when my spouse could stabilize her emotions and have quality sharing.
All in all, from a hard stand of unknown outcome initially to a beautiful renewal relationship, we could only say a big “Thank You” to you, Winny, for giving us your time despite of your busy schedule. We were so blessed by the way you counselled!” (ST & CL)
We booked our first marriage counselling session with Winny on Valentines Day and is so far the best gift my husband and I could have ever given each other. After being together for almost 2 decades, we came to a point where we knew we needed help but didn’t exactly know what it was.
Winny helped us understand what went lacking and how we could reconnect back by understanding each other’s point of view. We have always talked things through but Winny helped put things back in perspective. As both of us are naturally private, it was honestly awkward at first. After few individual and couple sessions, we started to appreciate the beauty of speaking to a trained professional who allowed us to speak our minds and asked us smart questions. Winny helped us warm up, that soon led us to identifying our emotions, pinpointing bad habits (which unknowingly hurt us) and consciously appreciating each other’s effort to reach out.
We are happy to “graduate” from the sessions but most importantly we are happy that we are back to being each other’s safe space. Thank you Winny and I hope that you touch more lives with this vocation. (M&C)
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79 Anson Road, 79 Anson Rd, Singapore, Central 079908, Singapore