I have been conducting Marriage Preparation Programmes for more than a decade. I always ask couples why they want to be married; most answered: “because we love each other”. Love led them to enter the highest commitment with the utmost connection from mutual listening and caring.
Reality fell short. Sadly, many couples for whatever reasons, are caught in the loop of old arguments again and again. These unhealthy pattern make them feel distant, disconnected, even being shut out, misunderstood, unwanted, unloved, unappreciated, unaccepted and dissatisfied in their relationships marriages.
What went wrong? What’s going on really? What do couples want to achieve from the arguments? Is it just to prove I am right, and you are wrong? Or have these couples disconnected emotionally so much that they do not feel emotionally safe and secure with each other.
The fight could be just a protest over emotional disconnection. Often, the anger, the criticism, the demands, are really cries for a secure and safe connection.
What difference does it make when you realise that the fights could just be a protest over emotional disconnection? Couple Counselling or Marriage Counselling may help you to find back your connection with your loved one!
“We began on this Marriage Counselling journey with a heavy heart, unable to even expect anything out of it. We were both extremely unstable in our emotions and expressions. The initial sessions were so tough that Winny had to manage us individually back then. We certainly gave her a hard time.
Winny, the way you counselled individually led me to open up. I did not feel any judgement nor detect condemnation from you. You also led me to uncover and express deep emotions that was unknown for years. I could even go deep in reflection from the questions you posted to me in every session. It was the reflections that helped me realized what exactly went wrong between my spouse and I! We had not communicated truly for the longest time. From your counselling, we dealt deeply with our emotions such that we could communicate heart to heart finally. This was evident from our last few couple therapy sessions when my spouse could stabilize her emotions and have quality sharing.
All in all, from a hard stand of unknown outcome initially to a beautiful renewal relationship, we could only say a big “Thank You” to you, Winny, for giving us your time despite of your busy schedule. We were so blessed by the way you counselled!” (ST & CL)
We booked our first marriage counselling with Winny on Valentines Day and is so far the best gift my husband and I could have ever given each other. After being together for almost 2 decades, we came to a point where we knew we needed help but didn’t exactly know what it was in our marriage.
Winny helped us understand what went lacking and how we could reconnect back by understanding each other’s point of view. We have always talked things through but Winny helped put things back in perspective. As both of us are naturally private, it was honestly awkward at first. After few individual and couple sessions, we started to appreciate the beauty of speaking to a trained professional who allowed us to speak our minds and asked us smart questions. Winny helped us warm up, that soon led us to identifying our emotions, pinpointing bad habits (which unknowingly hurt us) and consciously appreciating each other’s effort to reach out.
We are happy to “graduate” from the sessions but most importantly we are happy that we are back to being each other’s safe space. Thank you Winny and I hope that you touch more lives with this vocation. (M&C)