Couple/marriage counselling singapore
The Fairy Tale Dream and Reality of Couple Relationships
Many people dream of a fairy tale romance where a prince and princess meet and live happily ever after. This idealized vision of love often motivates couples to commit to marriage, believing their love will sustain them through any challenge. However, the reality of relationships often diverges from this dream.
The Ideal vs. Reality
For over a decade, I've been conducting Marriage Preparation Programs in Singapore. When I ask couples why they want to get married, a common response is, "Because we love each other." This love inspires them to embrace the highest commitment, rooted in deep connections based on attentive listening and mutual care.
However, reality often diverges from these expectations. Many couples find themselves caught in repetitive arguments that seem to loop endlessly. These negative patterns erode their sense of closeness, leading to feelings of distance, detachment, and even emotions of being shut out and discontented within their relationships or marriages.
What Went Wrong?
So, what could have gone wrong? Where did our love go? What's happening beneath the surface? What are couples aiming to achieve through these arguments? Is it solely about proving "I'm right and you're wrong"? Or have these couples become so emotionally distant that they no longer feel secure and safe in each other's presence? These fights might be reflections of a deeper emotional disconnection. Often, the anger, criticism, and demands serve as expressions of a longing for a stable and nurturing connection.
The Journey of Emotional Connection
Marriage or a relationship, in its essence, is a journey of continual emotional connection and reconnection. It is about learning to navigate the complexities of two individuals merging their lives, which includes facing challenges and resolving conflicts together. The health of a marriage is often reflected in how partners communicate and connect during difficult times.
The Role of Couple Counselling or Marriage Counselling
Couple Counselling or Marriage Counselling offers the tools and support necessary to foster this secure bond, enabling couples to navigate risky moments and deepen their emotional connection. By understanding and addressing the underlying emotional needs, couples can achieve a fulfilling and resilient marriage.
What to expect from couple/marriage counselling
Stage 1: Understanding Your Relationship Patterns
In the first stage, we’ll explore the patterns and cycles in your relationship that lead to conflict or emotional distance. We’ll identify what’s happening beneath the surface—why certain moments feel so intense or why it feels hard to connect at times. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward changing them.
- Identifying the Problem: We’ll work together to understand the issues and conflicts in your relationship that need attention.
- Recognizing Negative Cycles: We’ll identify the repetitive patterns that cause arguments or emotional disconnection.
- Understanding Emotions: You’ll start to understand the emotions behind these patterns—what’s happening underneath the surface.
- Reframing the Cycle: We’ll help you see your relationship in a new light and recognize the cycle as the enemy, not each other.
Stage 2: Create a new positive pattern of communication
In this stage, we work together to help each of you express deeper feelings and needs in a safe and open way. Instead of falling into the same old arguments, you’ll learn to share and respond to each other in a more positive and meaningful way. This helps to create new, healthier ways of connecting.
- Sharing Vulnerable Feelings: You’ll learn how to share your deeper feelings and needs with each other in a safe way.
- Responding with Empathy: Both of you will practice responding to each other with more understanding, empathy, and care.
Stage 3: Applying new communication pattern – Problem Solving
The final stage is about solidifying the new emotional connection you’ve created. We’ll make sure the changes you’ve made are lasting and help you feel more secure and supported in your relationship moving forward. This is where couples experience a deep, positive shift in their bond.
- Healing Old Wounds: We’ll address any deeper issues or emotional injuries from the past, helping to heal them.
- Building Emotional Security: You’ll work on creating a stronger, more secure bond, where you both feel safe to be open and vulnerable.
- Consolidating Changes: Finally, we’ll ensure the positive changes become lasting habits, helping your relationship stay strong in the future.