Couple/marriage counselling singapore

---

Many people dream of a fairy tale romance, envisioning a life where love conquers all and a "happily ever after" is guaranteed. This idealized notion often inspires couples to commit to marriage, believing their love will endure through any challenge. However, the reality of relationships often diverges from this vision. 

Having conducted Marriage Preparation Programs in Singapore for over a decade, I've noticed a recurring theme when asking couples why they want to get married. A common response is, "Because we love each other." This love forms the foundation for their commitment, a connection built on mutual care and understanding.

Yet, as time goes on, many couples find themselves trapped in repetitive conflicts and unresolved issues. These negative cycles can slowly erode the intimacy and closeness they once cherished, leaving feelings of detachment and dissatisfaction in their wake. Emotional distance may grow, and partners might feel shut out, questioning the strength of their relationship or marriage.

• Unresolved emotional needs: Fights may not just be about being "right" or "wrong" but can stem from a deeper emotional disconnection.
• Miscommunication: Criticism and anger often mask a longing for reassurance, closeness, and security within the relationship.
• Emotional distance: Partners may feel so disconnected that they no longer find comfort in each other’s presence.

These issues highlight the need to address the root causes, not just the symptoms, of the challenges faced by couples.

Marriage or any committed relationship is more than just a partnership—it’s a continuous journey of emotional connection and reconnection. This journey involves:

• Learning to navigate challenges and conflicts together.
• Understanding the underlying emotional needs of each partner.
• Building resilience to maintain a secure and nurturing bond.

The health of a marriage or relationship is often reflected in how well couples communicate and reconnect during difficult times.

Marriage Counselling or Couple Counselling provides the guidance and tools couples need to rediscover and strengthen their emotional connection. A professional marriage counsellor/couple therapist can help partners:

• Identify and address the root causes of conflict.
• Foster healthy communication and mutual understanding.
• Rebuild trust and intimacy within the relationship.
• Develop a resilient and fulfilling bond.

Through counseling, couples can turn moments of crisis into opportunities for growth, healing, and deeper connection.

Some couples experience moments of ambivalence about whether to stay in a relationship or part ways. When emotions run high, making decisions can feel overwhelming. Couple/Marriage Counselling offers valuable support during these challenging times. One evidence-based approach, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), focuses on identifying emotional patterns, strengthening connection, and fostering understanding between partners. EFT provides a structured framework for couples to explore their feelings in a way that promotes clarity and emotional healing, helping them make thoughtful decisions about their relationship.

The EFT model was developed to help couples recognize and transform negative emotional patterns that erode intimacy. It emphasizes the role of emotions in shaping each partner’s thoughts, behaviors, and needs. Through EFT, couples learn to connect on a deeper emotional level, fostering empathy and understanding. The ultimate goal is to strengthen the emotional bond and improve the couple’s ability to respond to each other with care—whether they decide to rebuild their relationship or part ways.

1. Identifying Emotional Patterns

• EFT helps couples recognize the emotional cycles that lead to misunderstandings and disconnection.
• By identifying negative interaction patterns, couples gain insight into how these patterns contribute to their ambivalence.

2. Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability

• In EFT, therapists provide a safe space where couples can express their deeper emotions—such as fear, shame, or longing—that often lie beneath anger or frustration.
• This non-judgmental environment allows partners to move beyond surface-level arguments and connect on a more meaningful level.

3. Exploring Attachment Needs and Fears

• A key component of EFT is helping couples identify and understand their attachment needs, such as feeling valued, secure, or supported.
• Many couples experiencing ambivalence are dealing with unmet emotional needs, which may have led to feelings of insecurity or disconnection.
• EFT helps partners address fears (such as fear of rejection) and better understand each other’s needs, promoting mutual support and understanding.

4. Fostering Empathy and Emotional Responsiveness

• Through EFT, couples develop empathy and emotional responsiveness, enabling them to recognize each other’s struggles and vulnerabilities.
• This empathy helps build trust, allowing partners to reduce emotional pain and reconnect with one another.

5. Providing Clarity for Decision-Making

• Whether couples choose to stay together or part ways, EFT ensures that decisions are made thoughtfully, with both partners’ emotions and needs considered.
• No one is forced to stay or leave; the focus is on mutual, respectful decision-making, where both partners work together to reach a decision.
• If the couple chooses to rebuild the relationship, EFT provides tools to enhance emotional connection and communication.
• If separation is the best option, EFT ensures the process is handled with care, especially when children are involved, reducing emotional distress and pain for everyone.

• Structured Sessions: Each session focuses on specific emotional patterns, guiding couples to develop healthier ways of interacting.
• Deeper Emotional Awareness: Couples explore not only what they feel but also why they react in certain ways, helping them understand underlying emotions.
• Personalized Interventions: Therapists adapt the counselling process to fit the couple’s unique situation and emotional needs.
• Joint and Individual Growth: Both partners learn to regulate their emotions, improve communication, and foster both personal and relational growth.
• A Focus on the Present and Future: EFT addresses not only past experiences but also how partners can reshape emotional experiences to create a healthier future—whether together or apart.

• Healing Emotional Wounds: Even when separation feels inevitable, EFT can help resolve emotional pain and provide closure.
• Clearer Decision-Making: Couples gain clarity, enabling them to make well-informed decisions about their future.
• Improved Communication: Regardless of the outcome, EFT helps partners learn healthier communication patterns, reducing unnecessary conflict.
• Better Co-Parenting Outcomes: If the couple decides to part ways, EFT helps establish respectful and cooperative co-parenting dynamics.
• Emotional Peace: Whether the couple chooses to stay or separate, EFT ensures that both individuals leave the process with greater emotional peace and personal growth.